Guest Bloggers: Jeff and Jennifer Tyler
Adjusted: Having achieved an often specified and usually harmonious relationship with the environment or with other individuals.
Many people have asked me, “How’s married life?” During the first few months, the closest answer to the truth I could give them is that, “Married life is an adjustment.”
I was married to the love of my life Jeffrey Tyler on September 24, 2011. From that day forward my life forever changed for the better. I am with a man that truly loves me (in all of my quirkiness and moodiness) for me. My bed stays warm. When I’m sick, I have someone to take care of me.When I feel like having someone taste the new dishes that I’ve cooked, I always have a taste tester. When I need someone to vent too, or just chat with about the action of the day, he’s there. When I feel the urge to have sex, yep, he’s there! It doesn’t get any better than that folks! Yet with all of the wonderful feelings of being on Cloud 9, marriage is still an adjustment. Now an adjustment can be positive or negative; it’s all in how you handle and receive change. No matter how long you have known your spouse, you are still in a new realm of things when you make the commitment of “marriage!” Becoming one in marriage is a beautiful experience! You start finishing one another sentences; you begin to anticipate needs of your spouse, this is the beginning of a wonderful journey. However, do not enter into this experience without wisdom and understanding that there is an enemy that hates marriage and will use every attempt in the book for you to part from the covenant you made on that special day.
“Making your ear attentive to skillful and godly Wisdom and inclining and directing your heart and mind to understanding [applying all your powers to the quest for it];” Proverbs 2:2 (Amplified)
After our wedding we spent an amazing week in Montego Bay, Jamaica in a beautiful 5 star resort. We were truly in paradise! As the week came to a close we were excited about going home to start our new lives together. The first night home as we climbed into bed, I was overtaken with a surge of emotions. You would think I would be jumping for joy! I mean, prior to getting married I had experienced 6 years of abstinence and now that I was with my husband there should be no issues right?! Wrong! That night, as I was lying with my husband fear overtook my body so much that I could do nothing but cry. Fear shook my body so violently I began to hyperventilate. My thoughts sounded something like this, “Oh my God, what have I done? He’s really here to stay. Did I make the right choice? Did I get married too soon? What did I do?”
Now before marriage, Jeff and I had been friends for years. During our courtship we had 6 months of pre-marital counseling. Along with counseling we had the complete peace of God and received confirmation that we were in the right season to be married. Our parents, pastors, and counselors were in agreement and support that we were ready to get married! So where did this fear come from all of a sudden?
When anyone hears news of the kingdom and doesn’t take it in, it just remains on the surface, and so the Evil One comes along and plucks it right out of that person’s heart. (Matthew 13:19, Message)
I had been single for several years and had never lived with a man before. This was all new to me and of course there would be some nervous feelings about it. Yet, one thing God isn’t is fear and those feelings I was experiencing did not come from God. They were from the enemy who wanted me to doubt all of the words we received from God about our marriage. Those negative thoughts were designed for me to doubt the decision we made and disrupt my peace. Now you may not experience a dramatic anxiety attack after marriage, but you must stand on guard for things that will attempt to disrupt your peace during this adjustment period.
Well thank the Lord that I married a man of God. In tears I shared my feelings with Jeff and instead of getting offended, he immediately began to pray with me. He began to pray the word of God over that situation and as he was praying it was like heaviness was leaving my body. He held me close, wiped my tears and prayed. Everyday after that I experienced sweet peaceful sleep.
When you lie down, you shall not be afraid; yes, you shall lie down, and your sleep shall be sweet. (Proverbs 3:24, Amplified)
Today, I can’t imagine my husband not in my bed! Since that day, I had other moments of challenging and fun “adjustments.” Finally cooking and having someone there to eat my food was a good “adjustment.” Getting used to being available sexually for my husband was indeed an “adjustment.” Most times, I enjoyed that adjustment! ☺ Nonetheless, even when I was tired, it was an adjustment I knew to make.
Going in our bathroom and seeing that the toothpaste was squeezed from the middle instead of the bottom was an “adjustment!” Was that his washcloth that was slightly touching mine? An Adjustment. Which house on which side of the family you spend time with on holidays? An Adjustment. Not running to mom and dad for everything, yet instead depending on your spouse? An Adjustment. You get the picture. Sure some of these things might sound petty to you, or you may be able to relate. But wherever you are in the beginning of your marriage, you are bound to experience some adjustments. I’ve decided that I am going to enjoy these adjustments because it’s all a part of God’s plan of becoming one with my spouse. There are adjustments for both of us.
Everyday is a day to choose to enjoy adjusting for the sake of becoming one and being in harmony with the product of your intelligent choice. You did choose and say “I do” to this person right? Don’t forget in the midst of surprising adjustments that he or she was your choice! Don’t forget the feelings of euphoria you had when you first said “I do!” Don’t forget why you even chose to accept the proposal or propose in the first place! Now let’s get to adjusting! Now repeat this after me, “I can do ALL things, through Christ who strengthens me!” (Philippians 4:13). You aren’t in this journey alone. Remember your marriage involves three people, you, your spouse, and the Holy Spirit. Don’t leave your “helper” out of the marriage. Invite Him in!
Prayer- Dear Heavenly Father, I ask for your guidance when it comes to being the spouse you have called me to be. Holy Spirit, continue to lead me into all truth and give me wisdom on my spouse. Help me to make this Adjustment one of ease as I flow into the role that you’ve called me to. Thank you in advance for your wisdom as I learn to dwell with my spouse according to knowledge. In Jesus Name, I pray, Amen.
*This is an excerpt from Jennifer Lucy Tyler’s upcoming book due to be released Jan 2013.
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